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David Stanley Ford

U.S. finances require faith in American way

By David Zizzo | Oklahoman    Comment on this article Leave a comment
Published: December 3, 2009

Zzzzzzz. Sorry, I must have dozed off.

As I was explaining, the monetary system of the United States at one time was based on gold, which today is used mostly for reflective foil on spacecraft, grill work on rap stars and bathroom fixtures on Wall Street. Today, our money is backed by something much easier to get through airport metal detectors: The full faith and credit of the U.S., which refers to the fact that Treasury officials are full of faith that they’ll be able to get more credit from China.

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So, the dollar is basically a kind of a post-dated check signed by Catalina Vasquez Villalpando, Rosa Gumataotao Rios and other actual Treasury people you don’t ... zzzzzzz. Oops. My bad. A few Red Bulls in the old beer hat, and we’re back.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Oprah decided 25 years was ... no, wait, it was the money thing. Yeah, it’s important to know about money because if the dollar crumbles, we won’t be able to get it into the slot when we want a bag of Funyuns.

So, as Americans, we should all know the basics of our national finances, such as the effect of interest rates and the fact that secret messages in the pyramid with the eyeball on top can lead to a hidden vault holding the lost riches of Nicolas Cage. National finances are just like family finances, except as a nation, you can print money anytime you want, force strangers to give you some of theirs and spend it on stuff such as spaceships covered with gold.

Money is affected by the exchange rate, which is basically the number of dollars it takes to buy a Japanese yen, a European euro or a beer hat from China.

America’s national finances are controlled by the Federal Reserve, Congress and Oprah, which make loans to banks and buy bathroom fixtures for gold spaceships and ... zzzzzzz.

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David Stanley Ford


Related Topics: Culture and Lifestyle, U.S. Markets, Business, Financial Markets, House and Home, Currency Markets, Japanese Markets, Bath Design


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