Online dating goes mainstream

By Heather Warlick

Published: February 11, 2008

It all started with AOL Instant Messenger in the mid-1990s. All you needed was a clever screen name and a simple profile, and you were ready to cruise the Web, reading other people's profiles and starting random conversations to your heart's content.

An accomplished chatterer could sustain several conversations at once, tabbing back and forth between them with ease.

The chats generally began with "A/S/L?” (Age, sex, location). This was just an icebreaker, because the person who generated the message already had a certain amount of information from the recipient's profile. The conversation would then progress to "what's up?” or "wanna chat?” Deep stuff.

Over the years, several organized online dating services began to sprout up. Match.com, Love@AOL.com and personals.yahoo.com were a few of the pioneers in an Internet industry expected to generate $642 million in 2008.

"It makes perfect sense,” said Evan Katz, dating consultant and author of "I Can't Believe I'm Buying This Book” and "Why You're Still Single.” Since half of American adults are single, and personal computers have infiltrated our lives, he said it is no wonder that people have turned to the Internet to find love.

"Never before has there been greater access to single people anywhere on Earth. The Internet is the biggest town square, bar scene, you name it,” Katz said.

And while online dating sites have become popular, the online dating trend has as many pitfalls as benefits.

Online, you can be anyone you want to be. There is little accountability, so it is easy to cut and run. And threats of stranger-danger and Web scams are factors that could keep many would-be participants off-line.

In fact, several dating sites have been served lawsuits claiming they "bait” users with fake messages from very attractive "members.” Match.com was even accused of sending an attractive woman out on "bait dates” to keep male users signed up.

Despite those negatives, Online Dating Magazine reports that about 120,000 marriages every year directly result from online dating. A survey by The Sunday Times of London found that 72 percent of women polled admitted to having had an online romance, compared to 52 percent of men. The survey also found that 33 percent of all online relationships led to an actual date.

Elizabeth Aven, 30, of Oklahoma City said she has had some successful dates with people she met online. She appreciates sites such as Match.com because they provide users with more details than one might expect with a blind date.

"You get to see so much about a person, such as age, previous marriages, number of kids they have or want, religion, occupation, what they're looking for — all these different things,” she said. "If you were to meet somebody out and about, even if it was through a friend, you still wouldn't know all that information. I want to know these things.”

Online dating has gone from being stigmatized to becoming a mainstream option for singles within the past several years. As more people try it, many realize that Web-based matchmaking services are just another form of dating.

"I think that people sometimes feel embarrassed because they think that, ‘Oh, you're dating somebody on the Internet.' You can't get a date or there's some kind of problem with you or that you're desperate,” Aven said. "I don't think that's the deal at all. Technology has just changed everything. It's a useful tool. I don't have any trouble getting dates. This is just helpful in finding somebody who is more to my liking. It opens up your options, really.

"You just have to be smart about it, you know? For example, when you meet someone, you meet them at a public place; you take your own car. I've taken the person's name and number and left it with my friends so they knew where I was and who I was with. Another thing is to just trust your instincts.”

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