Can’t buy me love

By Heather Warlick

Published: May 14, 2008

So, you've decided to Google yourself the perfect mate. Where do you start? There are so many dating sites on the Web, choosing the right one can be daunting. Each dating site has its own personality, reputation and process. So, knowing what's out there is the first step.

These days, there are as many free dating sites as there are fee-based sites. Free sites have a few advantages over subscription sites. Generally, more people post ads on the free sites, because they are free. The problem with this is that the ads can be jokes, out-of-date or forgotten about, which makes sifting through them harder than on paid sites, where people usually keep their ads updated and check them often.

If you want to get started on a free site, a few good options are Okcupid.com and Myspace.com. Okcupid.com is much like its paid counterpart, EHarmony.com. Both sites ask participants to fill out personality questionnaires that enable them to match members based on compatibility and preferences. The big difference is that EHarmony is not cheap, and Okcupid is free.

Myspace allows users to search for people within a specified radius of your home. You can narrow your search quite a bit, and when you make contact with that person, it is less formal than at a typical dating site. You just ask to be added to their list of friends and can slyly start a conversation to see whether you are still interested.

Plus, it's interesting to see how many and what kinds of friends that person has on his page. For example, Elizabeth Aven said if she finds a guy who interests her, but he has 5,000 friends on his site, most of whom are scantily clad women. She said this is a warning sign that he isn't her type and she isn't his.

If you want to try a paid site, EHarmony.com has an extensive matching process and a good reputation. The cost can be daunting, at $59 for a single month's membership and lower rates for longer commitments. Luckily, the service offers a one-week trial period. If you are not happy with the service, you can cancel within that week and get a full refund.

And if you are still wary of Internet dating, there are a few old-fashioned matchmaking services around. Singles Station is a service that matches men and women based on personality profiles in 15 areas of compatibility. Regional director Johnathan Marcoulides said the company boasts a 78 percent success rate with the matches. He said the company represents thousands of Oklahomans willing to pay to find love. Though his service is more expensive than online options, he said his service takes more pains to meet each person and to match them accurately.

The Internet can serve as a matchmaker even for those who have already felt the fireworks with somebody. In the busyness of society, acquaintances are made and forgotten about daily. For those that have that special spark and can’t be forgotten, there are Web sites that have set up “missed connections” sections where people can search for and attempt to reconnect with somebody who caught their eye.

“We've had marriages out of missed connections, family members found, lost sweethearts, old friends,” said Susan MacTavish Best, spokeswoman for Craig’s list. She explained that the section was added about six years ago after users continued to post these messages in incorrect listings.

Kevin Kirsch, of Oklahoma City recently sought to find a missed connection on such a site. While making a routine Wal-Mart shopping trip, he spotted a woman that needed assistance with her wiper blades. He helped her, they parted ways and later, he posted about his experience.

“I wished I had asked for her number or if she was free for dinner,” he said. “I know I don't have much of a chance that she'll see the post, but I really had no other way of tracking her down.”

Rob Wilkinson is from Ottawa, Canada. In 1995, he started a pen pal friendship with a girl who was studying to be a teacher in Oklahoma. Years later, he began to miss chatting with her. He took a long-shot and posted on the Internet.

“This lady was such a wonderful person,” he stated. “It would be great if we could reconnect and catch up.”

These lighthearted posts are as common as the heartbreaking posts.

Kerry Lewis began dated a woman after meeting her on a school trip in high school. She was from Midwest City; he was from Del City. Due to family issues, Lewis abruptly broke off the blooming romance, leaving his girlfriend with no explanation.

Years down the line, after being married, separated and suffering a stroke Lewis has gained a new perspective on life.

“One thing that kept coming to the surface, was the way I treated her,” he said. “I have never treated a female like that or cut her off like that.” Because he wants to apologize to her, he has created a missed connections post asking people to help him find her.

Whether you surf the Web for love, employ a matchmaking service or stick to the conventional method of engaging in social situations to meet new people for finding old loves, the playing field for dating has changed dramatically in the past decade. Ten years ago, few people had Internet in their homes; today, one-third of the single people in America have tried online dating. Ten years from now, we may all be dating robots. Until then, be careful, be smart and happy hunting!

Contributing: Aaron Wright, The Oklahoman

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