Supporting Oklahoma moms of stillborn ‘angels’
INFANT BLOG: Midwest City woman reaches out to grieving parents
BY Lillie-Beth Brinkman
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Published: October 22, 2009
Stephanie Stewart said that carrying her baby to term was one of the harder parts of her grief. She was in limbo for 18 weeks because she knew her son couldn’t survive after birth, but she was reluctant for the pregnancy to end.
"You feel him kicking inside you. … You really want to be pregnant forever,” the Midwest City mother said. She said she looked for support from other mothers who chose to carry babies to term despite knowing the devastating outcome, and she couldn’t find what she needed. So, she started a blog, "I Have My Very Own Angel,” because she wanted other people to talk to about losing a child. While waiting for Vayden’s birth, Stewart took the son inside her and her other son, Vashon, now 2, everywhere a mom would want to take her children — to the zoo, to see "Elmo Live!” and to California, her home state. "He was with me in my belly, and he was there,” she said. The photographs of her pregnant with him and in the hours that he lived are some of her most treasured reminders of her son. "Those pictures are the things I never put up. They’re one of those keepsakes that you really need,” Stewart said of having professional photographs made by the nonprofit organization "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep” of her with Vayden before and after his birth. For parents who are going through what she went through, Stewart suggests having an "angel shower” in which guests shower the parents with gift certificates to restaurants or meal delivery instead of baby gifts. Thus, they will have something to eat after the baby is born and when they are in mourning. She also said it is important for women to be able to talk about what they’re going through, if they want to. "We just want to talk. We just want to tell our story, even if it’s for the 100th time. No medical suggestions or anything like that,” Stewart said. "Be there. Listening is the number one thing that everybody needs.” Also, she said not to forget that the woman is pregnant. Some people offered her beer to drink as if she weren’t pregnant, she said. What she especially appreciated were the hugs from people who didn’t know what to say but wanted her to know they care. "You get these wonderful people who you never knew were there. They come out of the woodwork there to offer you any support that you need,” Stewart said. Although many women are bitter about their experience, other stories of mothers brave enough to carry their babies to term have inspired her. "The love for their babies is amazing,” she said "This is the power of a mother’s love.”
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