Pay the Piper Saturday stings unlucky trio

Many reports identify the infamous Gordon Riese as residing in the hamlet of Portland, Ore.

We have found this to be untrue. Riese lives not in the Pacific Northwest, but somewhere in the stars. Somewhere the football gods assemble and right the wrongs of the college gridiron.

Think of Riese as Clarence, the bumbling angel who so many Christmases ago was dispatched to Bedford Falls to save Jimmy Stewart.

Let's review. Check that. That's not exactly the word we want to use. Let's go with think back. Think back to college football this decade.

In College Football Falls, who is George Bailey and who is Mr. Potter? Who has been blessed, and who can't seem to catch a break? Who has been favored by the BCS, and who has been cursed?

Blessed: Oklahoma, LSU, Nebraska.

Cursed: Southern Cal, Oregon, Auburn.

In the last five years, BCS controversy has avoided us twice, with Miami-Ohio State and USC-Texas. In the other three seasons, college football has been faced with a square peg, round hole dilemma: three contenders for the two slots in the ultimate game.

2001: Nebraska, which didn't even make its conference title game, gets in the Rose Bowl; 10-1 Oregon is left out. Oregon routs Colorado in the Fiesta Bowl, and Nebraska is rolled by Miami in the national title game.

2003: OU, which didn't even win its conference, and LSU get in the Sugar Bowl. Top-ranked USC is left out. SC wins the Rose Bowl, and LSU beats the suddenly-flat Sooners for the title.

2004: OU and USC get in the Orange Bowl, unbeaten and untied Auburn is left out. Auburn wins the Sugar Bowl to finish 13-0; USC wins a non-competitive Orange Bowl 55-19.

Not by fate and not by coincidence but by the powers who reign on Gordon Riese's star, last Saturday was Pay the Piper Day in college football.

LSU at Auburn. Nebraska at USC. Oklahoma at Oregon.

You know what happened.

Riese, who apparently makes Clarence seem like an archangel, and his buddies in stripes blew an onside kick call every which way possible, giving Oregon the chance to rally in the final minute for a 34-33 victory over OU.

Some Southern Seraphim in Auburn ruled against LSU on a crucial fourth-down replay in the final minute, and Auburn survived 7-3. The call was less obvious than the Eugene pilfering, but LSU feels no less cheated than do the masses marching down the streets of Soonerville.

Out in Los Angeles, where perhaps Clarence was stationed, having earned his wings and able to fly in from the East Coast, no divine intervention was necessary. Nebraska, wearing surrender white, packed its give-up gear, took a 28-10 beating at the hands of SC and was glad to get out of town with a tour of Universal Studios.

Three big losers in college football's game of roulette exacted a measure of justice. The note came due on three big winners of past autumns.

What truly happened in Oregon? Gordon Riese earned his wings.

Not buying it? I didn't think so. But maybe this will make you feel better. Still, even after Pay the Piper Saturday, It's a Wonderful Game.